Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Bitch List, er, Pet Peeves

OK, so I'm pretty sure around the same time every month I seem to get annoyed with the same kind of behavior...coincidence? I think not. I've decided to vent these annoyances on my blog, this way I can recognize these behaviors and try my best to deal with them without freaking out. I present to you,

The Bitch List:

  • People who honk the horn of their vehicle to make damn sure that thing is locked each and every time they exit the vehicle. Because they obviously are smarter and cooler than everyone else in knowing that some thieve must be lurking around the corner just dying to steal their 1999 Ford Taurus. Seriously, I don't know who invented this feature, but it is so widely abused it causes my eye to twitch every time I hear a horn in a parking lot. It's locked, psycho, you can hear the locks moving into place from outside the car. We don't need to know that yes, you did in fact lock your Toyota piece of crap car by your honking. Thanks!
  • Heavy breathers. I know some people just can't help it and I probably shouldn't complain about this one, but seriously! If I can hear you breathing, or gasping for air over the game in the background, you should probably have that looked at. Nothing a little sinus surgery can't fix.
  • Having a monotone or extremely loud voice. Don't get me wrong, I have been teased about my quiet, high pitched, annoying voice ever since middle school. But maybe it's an opposite kind of deal, I just feel like running away from those who can't seem to change a decibel or talk with a 6 inch voice! On another note, I really do cherish those with soothing voices and really tend to gravitate towards them. I cannot tell you a single great friend or boyfriend I've had who possessed unpleasant vocal chords! Please don't be afraid that you won't be heard, or that if you change your voice a single decibel it might squeak. A little animation never hurt anybody.
  • Terrible drivers. I would probably be categorized in this group according to some of my friends, but that would only be on the basis of aggressive driving. I would call a terrible driver someone who can't seem to keep up with the speed limit, constantly taps the breaks, starts to decelerate about a mile before the stop light, cranks their head around in the car so far they look like the exorcist just to look for other vehicles that might be within a 500 foot radius, which then of course they would wait, almost drive off the shoulder, cause other vehicles to lock up their breaks, almost killing the other 10 cars around them before finally deciding it's now safe to enter the freeway going an estimated 20 mph, those who just can't quite decide where and when to turn their cars, the idiot who is so wrapped up in a phone conversation that they have absolutely no idea what is going on around them, or that car that's riding your ass so bad you just want to slam on the breaks to give them a little heads up to back the hell up, because really you just don't want to deal with this a#*hole when he really does slam into you and you have a lot to do and the jerk probably doesn't even have car insurance. whew.
  • slow-movers in the mall or other crowded area. I'm not an evil bitch, I'm not referring to the elderly or handicapped. I'm referring to those annoying groups that walk in a horizontal line moving at the pace of a snail. You try and try to sneak by them , but then you run into another road block, those pesky little kiosks full of knock-off bags and over-priced lotions. You would think that they could be more aware of their environment. Yes, you have a group of eight and you're taking up a massive amount of space in this already crowded mall, but can't you see that I am trying to get by while saying "excuse me" five times as loudly as I can with my non-projecting voice?! Get out tha way!

So there it is. The official Bitch List. It's amazing how much better I feel just venting about life's frustrations that sometimes get the best of me. I am still learning patience, and boy is it ever a tough lesson for me! I am one fast walking, fast driving, mouth breathing, quiet talking, and silent car locking girl. I can't imagine that anything I do would ever annoy anybody (enter huge smirk here). Life's little annoyances do teach us patience, and that patience does get put to the test on a daily basis. What are some of your pet peeves? What do you do to look past them and not freak out when your patience has fizzled?

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